"Let's go to the church." That's what you say. Then you just shrug your shoulders and fill the space between us with question marks full of restlessness. Yes, let's go to the church. I nod and collect all of the words that got scattered across the room (I might need them later on). I lift myself from the chair while you - you are already at the door. Air between us shakes and trembles from the heat. Church can save us. Church with cold stone walls. Absolution from this day, redemption from our own hell. Let's go to the church.
Drops of sweat, dirt and
profanum travel from my neck, through shoulders and somehow - on the way - disappear. Not all of it, I do not become a saint. This would be way too easy. I try to look at you without actually doing it. Your steps are longer than mine, your shadow so much bigger than the one I can cast. I know for a fact, that if I would ask you to let me hide in you (under you, next to you, with you) - you would agree. But I remain silent and just hide behind my sunglasses. I might only start walking a bit faster, not to stay behind, not to get lost.
There is a big stone bowl filled with water at the entrance. You gather some of it into your hands, blow at it to disinfect it and pour it into my mouth. Amen. Amen to all of these gods we do not believe in. I know I could smile, I know I could say 'thank you'. But the silence wrapped already its fat tail around my throat. So - no. Amen.
There are traces of other people’s sins all around us: they lay abandoned on the wooden benches, carelessly carved on the walls and floor, some reflect in the stained-glassed windows. I find a forgotten bible under my seat. "Open it", this is what you would say - if we weren't mute now.
I turn pages and really want to find a passage that will mean something, that will become a full stop to this day. A passage, a sentence, a word - that will allow us to break out from this ellipsis.
This is when you put your hand on mine and say: "
Credo in spiritum sanctum". I nod and finally find my voice. Yes, jesus-joseph-and-mary, let's get some drinks.
Amen.
