liquid brain

today there was a lot of sun

between the leaves

on the pavements

in my eyes

it was almost easy

to forget about

everything that is

so dark

and hides

between my ears

I’ve tried to imagine

all of that

leaving my head

together with

yet another nosebleed

it would probably also

have to take

my brain

but that’d be

alright 

I suppose

pocket dial

he pocket dials me

from his date

my name does start

with the letter A

so maybe in a way

it's not only the phone's fault

but also alphabet's

it takes me a moment

to realize

what just happened

I listen to his voice

that sounds different

round

and plastic

(I can also hear her

but I try

to leave her faceless)

I hang up

for few minutes

I don't move

close my eyes

and think that probably

all of that is a bit funny

I might be also

remembering that time

when we spoke

and I've told him

that I can't do this

anymore

I send him a message

that he called me

just a moment ago

by then

I only hope

there will be

some truth in his reply

what I get is

"oops sorry"

all very true

I guess

Samson

I've cut my hair

a while ago

but I didn't make you 

choose

perhaps that was

my mistake

or maybe simply

you didn't understand

you've cut your hair

a week ago

such a loud and final

full stop

the visible sign

of cutting me

just under my knees

so I can fall

and if no-one listens

- and no-one does - 

there will be no sound

in respect to my mouth

it will stay silent

just the same

maybe some day

they will tell

beautiful stories

about all of that

and later on

immortalise it

in amber

(that's a nice thought)

or maybe - 

- maybe they won't

SSRI

all my friends

tell me

that I have less

of sharp edges

since I take

the pills

it's different from

the inside

where I need

to put on post-its

that shower

should be done

at least every other day

and that pyjamas

aren't acceptable

in the public places

but apparently

I have less

of sharp edges

and most of the time

I lack the energy

to even think

about

the suicide.

I guess

that's a win.

fish

my lips moved several times

during that night

trying to form the shape

of the words I needed

but the sound

didn't arrive

so I was just standing there

more like a fish

mute

suffocating

with the oxygen

and with the cold hands

you held these hands

later on

trying to warm them up

and pretending

not to see

that something broke in me

and now

my Inside

is slowly leaking out

onto the pillow

my lips moved

for the last time

- a sound appeared

a short and a very quiet

howl of the animal
that hurts

you can live with that

there is this white fog around me

and it makes everything

so unreal

and so distant

I guess I don't care

anymore

even if I am sad

and I can't really tell

because I am so far away

from myself

but -

- even if I am sad

it doesn't really matter

anymore

simply because

nothing really matters

anymore

something hurts a bit

in my chest

but it is also

not very important

a lazy thought appears

that it's probably

my broken heart

- it's OK

you can live with that

wubbalubbadubdub

1. my head is fragile

and I don't want you

to cut yourself

when it falls apart

2. I'm not in love

with you

not because I can't

but because I know

then I'd have to leave

(I'm not ready yet)

3. when you have bad dreams

I kiss you and stroke your hair

it seems to work

in the morning you

never remember

any of that

4. at the night time

I sometimes get scared

and start to fall

if you are next to me

you whisper to my ear

that it's OK

5. you are not in love

with me

because I am full of

red flags and lines

not to be crossed

- but you hold my hand

when I fall asleep

(that's a lot)

6. we are bad in waking up

and leaving the bed

there are still

few months

ahead of us

7. I like your eyes

they are green

most of my favourite things

in life

have green eyes.