2802

you look through your fingers

into the sun

and frown

when shadows move

on your face

and add new details to it

for a brief moment

it seems that you are smiling

February reflects its paleness

on your cheeks

and cold air

makes your breath shallow

with cold fingers

you touch my hand

and I try very hard

not to shiver

there are no more mirrors

at home

I read you ‘The Snow Queen’

before we fall asleep

blind game

I wear bandages on my eyes

and hide behind them

I can’t see

so I listen

and like a wild animal

sometimes allow myself to growl

I wear bandages on my eyes

and they hide you

from me

you try not to make any sound

but I still can hunt you down

- we stand only step apart

and we don’t even breathe

your pulse drums

in my temple

and I am sure

you can smell my fear

if you could see my eyes

I would drown you in them

…

unwrap the blindfold.

what are you singing about?

I am sinking

I am drowning

when air dense as water

floods my lungs

and sets my eyes on fire

I am sinking

I am drowning

under the duvet

under all the blankets

with the pillow on my face

I am sinking

I am drowning

on the kitchen floor

between plates and glasses

under this chemical light

I am sinking

I am drowning

I am drowned.

*** (I don't even swear now)

I don’t even swear now

when I wake up

there is a deep silence

within me

without any words

maybe with few exclamations

and an ellipsis

with this silence

I can knock off birds from the sky

and summon the snow

under the shower

I allow hum of the water

to fill me up with the sound

…

fuck.

advice

is it OK to ask for help

it's not

it's not

it's not

pretend.

seagulls #2

it’s quiet

seagulls glide in this silence

on this grey sky

only from time to time
they scream

and in this scream

they sound more like humans

because I don’t know

how to reply

I only wave to them

and go home.

I leave bread

on the bench

extensa

every day

there is more and more

space in my bed

“it’s the Universe expanding”

you say

and reach out to me

but I am too far away

it’s sometimes weeks

before I come across

any trace of you

on the bathroom mirror

we leave messages for each other

you say that you miss me

so I’ve left

a kiss on the glass

“it’s the Universe expanding”

I say quietly

and the edges of the bed

are even further apart