squinting

you say that...

and assume that you know me

you are not the first to do so

nor the last

I squint

and pretend that I agree

I don’t deny it

I don’t raise my voice

with the crooked smile

I nod

veins on my arms

are full and heavy

just like my lips

I wish you were right

at least sometimes

and maybe this pretended

happiness

would be able to survive

these pulls these shakes

these blows

but you are mistaken

and I only pretend

my heart beats

like a badly wound

clock

sometimes I stay away

I look at us

at you

at myself

game of the shadows

and this make-believe

I squint

I nod

and I start to

scream