loud

when it’s quiet and empty

I think about all of that

that will never happen

I run everything through

black and white filters

all of that that I can’t and won’t

say out loud

when it’s quiet and empty

I allow myself to be angry

I don’t scream

only press my fingernails

against my palms

and bite my lip

when it’s quiet and empty

that’s when I am closer to myself

I pat my own shoulder

and I dry tears from my own

cheeks

later on – me and me – get up

and go back to the world

so loud

so full