fish

my lips moved several times

during that night

trying to form the shape

of the words I needed

but the sound

didn't arrive

so I was just standing there

more like a fish

mute

suffocating

with the oxygen

and with the cold hands

you held these hands

later on

trying to warm them up

and pretending

not to see

that something broke in me

and now

my Inside

is slowly leaking out

onto the pillow

my lips moved

for the last time

- a sound appeared

a short and a very quiet

howl of the animal
that hurts

otters (I have cut my hair)

when I said

I am going to cut

my hair

I tried to tell you

something

but maybe

I was too vague

now it's too late

and with my head

so much lighter

my heart got

so much more heavy

and there are

no more words

I can now

comb my hair

for the very first time

in months

and I feel bad about it

I stay up all night

because sleep felt

so much better

with my hand in yours

may day

we interrupt

quiet hours

of the night

with messages

full of

unfinished

sentences

that may

or may not

mean

something/

/nothing

later on

with the first

sunlight

comes

sleep

that neither you nor I

can describe

we don't need

alarm clocks

I have

ambulances

on the streets

you live

around the corner

from the

fire station

with the noise

of the day

and the illumination

of the sky

everything can only

be

what it exactly

is

it may

or may not
be

why we

stay

so

silent

small print

surely it must be somewhere:

maybe it's written with the invisible ink

or tattooed somewhere on my back

or hidden under my hair...

"terms and conditions apply".

just next to "made in"

and "no warranty".

we both know

there is no spare parts

and I am already broken.

you smile and break me

a

little

bit

more.

*** (let's just forget ourselves)

let’s just forget ourselves

you - me

and me – you

because there are

no words

to describe us

together

let’s forget ourselves

and get drunk

on our own

you

and I

at the Korsakoff’s place

where every empty bottle

stands for every empty promise

and every smoked cigarette

is an anaesthetic

let’s just forget our

past selves

and what we could have become

…

forgetting to forget

we start reading

thesaurus.

darling -

- pass me the light...